The night before Xmas Throughout the house. Everyone was fcuked Even the mouse. Dad at the brothel, …Mum with frank, I’d settled down For a nice slow wank. Outside the house I heard a right clatter, I let go of my cock To see what was the matter. Out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I knew right away It was old St Nick. He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell. The big fat fcuker, I think he fell. He filled all our stockings with sweets & beer, And a big rubber cock For my brother, the queer. He rose up the chimney With a thunderous fart, The big fat c*nt Blew the house apart. He swore and he cursed As he rode out of sight, Shouting: I’ll be back next year, Have a hell of a night.