This Week’s Headlines You may have missed: … • Chicago Police Will Use Orange Chalk To Outline Bodies During The Week Before Halloween… • One of 10,000 Monkeys Sitting At 10,000 Typewriters cranks out “The Quick Brown Foxegty[57klfd@t”… • Prisoner Undergoes Colostomy Surgery After Dropping Soap In the Gang Shower… • Slide Rule Manufacturer Begs For Government Subsidies to Stay in Business… • Bull In Fitting Room Complains that Jerseys Aren’t Tight Enough… • NBC Ponders New TV Series: “Airline Tragedies” A Pilot Is Being Put Together As I Write… • Prostitute Installs Card Reader in Vulva; Johns Can Swipe their VISA or MasterCard Before Shagging… • Attractive 3rd Grader Demands Russell Stover Dark Chocolates From Strangers… • Olives Suffer Depression Because They Aren’t Ugly Enough to Make Extra Virgin Olive Oil… • Beauty Mark on Model’s Face Leaves to Pursue a Solo Career…