Quotes

I'm not comfortable being around too many people. I don't like being out in public too much. I don't like going to bars. I don't like doing celebrity stuff. So most of the characters I play are people who don't always feel comfortable beyond their small circle of friends.

My father wasn't perfect. He had a temper. I took some of that. He would snap, but the older he got, he started calming down. He learned about life, but the thing that he taught my whole family was that family was the most important thing and, no matter what, if a family member needs you, you go and help them out; you get there.

I still get very scared when I step in front of a live audience.

I'm 31 now. I think I'm beginning to understand what life is, what romance is, and what a relationship means.

I'm filthy rich!

God gave me some weird, beautiful scent that makes men and women go crazy. People compare it to Carvel. It is a whale of a smell.

It definitely has learning a lesson about the way you're living your life. I wouldn't compare our movie to that, but it has a structure where it's about a man who doesn't appreciate all that he has and finds out at the end that life has been great and he has to enjoy that.

I shouldn't be near Vegas and have money in my pocket.

Sir one more comment like that and I will strangle you with my microphone wire!

A lot of critics object to what I do, but I got into comedy to make people laugh, and I've always worked hard.

When I'm up there, and I know the show's coming to a close, in my head I'm saying to myself, Oh man, you gotta get off and be a normal person again. That's what I don't like so much.

How do I speak Spanish? Not too well.

I definitely connected to the fact that life gets out of control and you end up doing things and wishing you were doing other things instead.

It's nice when little teams win.

I grew up cursing a lot.

I'm not great at bedtime stories. Bedtime stories are supposed to put the kid to sleep. My kid gets riled up and then my wife has to come in and go, 'All right! Get out of the room.'

I was raised by a mother who told me I was great every day of my life.

In high school I wanted to be a rock star and was in a lot of bands.

I sang a song at my sister's wedding. My mother forced me into that, too. But that one felt all right.

When the kids are laughing in the audience, I tear up, I'm so happy I did a nice thing.

I wasn't a kid growing up thinking, 'One day I'll get an Oscar and make a speech.' That wasn't on my mind.

This character feels so much like my brother. He has two children. He has a wife. He works with me. He chooses to stay in New Hampshire because he wants his kids to grow up in the school they started with. He doesn't want them to lose friends. He is his family's hero.

I never thought about what people would say about me. I was just a young guy who was excited to become a comedian and an actor, and I just wanted to get to do what I got to do.

I've been called a moron since I was about four. My father called me a moron. My grandfather said I was a moron. And a lot of times when I'm driving, I hear I'm a moron. I like being a moron.

When I got into this, I never thought about reviews. I never thought about what people would say about me, I was just a young guy who was excited to become a comedian and an actor, and I just wanted to get to do what I got to do.