Jokes

Hide all of the desktop icons on someone's computer and replace the monitor's wallpaper with a screen-shot of their desktop.

Install the Blue Screen of Death screen-saver on someone's computer.

Q: How do you know if a Chinese tried to rob your house? A: You get home and your maths homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and two hours later He is still trying to back out of your driveway.

Q: What does a baby computer call its dad? A: Data

How do you know a Blonde has been using the computer? There is cheese in front of the mouse.

You Know you are Addicted to the Internet When...  · You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved, and you don't have a clue when it happened.  · Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.  · All of your friends have an @ in their names.  · Your dog has its own home page.  · You can't call your mother... she doesn't have a modem.  · You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.  · You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.  · You get a new suit that says, "This best viewed with Netscape 4.01 or higher."  · The last girl you asked out was only a jpeg.  · Your wife says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat. 

A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains. She tells the salesman, “I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen.” The surprised salesman replies, “But, madam, computers do not have curtains.” And the blonde said, “Helloooo…. I’ve got Windows!”

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?” The first blonde answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!” The policeman says, “Well…uh…that’s because the picture shows his profile.” Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?” The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!” The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it’s a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with? Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?” He quickly adds” . . . think hard before giving me a stupid answer.” The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, “Hmmmm . . . the suspect wears contact lenses.” The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn’t know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. “Well, that’s an interesting answer . . . wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.” He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. “Wow! I can’t believe it…it’s TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?” “That’s easy,” the blonde replied. “He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out and again went to the mail box, opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL.'"

Q: Why did the blonde put water on her computer? A: To wash the Windows.

What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once.

How can you tell if a blonde’s been using the computer? There’s whiteout on the screen. How can you tell if two blondes have been using the computer? There’s writing on the whiteout.

Q: How can you tell a blonde's been using the computer? A: There's white-out all over the screen.

A blonde went to her mail box several times before it was even time for the mailman to make his rounds. A neighbor noticed her repeated trips to the curb and asked if she was waiting for a special delivery. Her reply: "My computer keeps telling me I have mail."

Thers a Blonde at a computer trying to play a game and it says "press any key to begin" and shes looking at the computer trying to find the any key

Q: How can you tell if a blonde used a computer? A: There's Wite-Out all over the screen.

A blonde keeps checking her mail box. A neighbour notices her repeated trips to the kerb and asks if she’s waiting for a special delivery. ‘No,’ she replies. ‘But my computer keeps telling me I have mail.’

Q: How are blondes and computers similar? A: You never appreciate them until they go down on you.

A blonde goes into a computer store and asks the clerk, “Where do you keep the curtains for computers?” The clerk answers with a puzzled face, “Curtains for computers? You don’t need curtains for computers.” The blonde’s eyes widen and she shakes her head as she answers, “Hello!?? My computer has Windows!!”

What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave.

Why do the blondes spill water over the computer? They want to navigate over the internet.

How can you tell a blond has been working at a computer? There is white out all over the screen.

What does a blonde do when her computer freezes? She sticks it in the microwave.

How do you guess a blond played at you’re computer? The joystick is on the chair.

a guy is outside watching the day view until a blonde comes out of her house and checks her mail box she opens it and then she closes it. a few seconds later she comes out again and checks it again but angry and the she slams it shut .seconds later she comes out angryer than ever then the man walks up to her and said whats wrong she answers my stupid computer keeps saying that i have mail.

A blonde was telling a brunette that her computer broke. So the brunette said she would check the blonde's e-mail for her. The blonde said, ''Cool! E-mail me and tell me what I got.''

If I freeze, it's not a computer virus. I was just stunned by your beauty.

What would a computer geek is going to do after seeing a beautiful woman? "Immediately start downloading it."

MICROSOFT NEWS RELEASE: It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Georgia edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside Georgia. If you have one of the Georgia editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The Georgia edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen.     It reads WINDERS 98 with a background picture of the General Lee super imposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver. Also note: Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive Floppies are them little ole plastic disc thangs. Other features:     Instead of an error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape. OK = ats aww-right cancel = hail no reset = awa shoot yes = shore no = Naaaa find = hunt-fer it go to = over yonder back = back yonder help = hep me out here stop = ternit off start = crank it up settings = sittins programs = stuff that does stuff documents = stuff I done done     Also note that winders 98 does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.     Some programs that are exclusive to winders 98: tiperiter................A word processor colering book............a graphics program addin mershene...........calculator scratch paper ...........notepad jupe-box ................CD Player inner-net................Microsoft Explorer pichers..................A graphics viewer IRS......................M/S accounting software IRS2.....................M/S accounting software with hidden files coon dog.................American kennel club records fishin...................Bass Anglers Sportsman Society records. NRA......................National Rifle Association shot gun ................Remington Arms price list riffel...................Winchester price list pisstel..................Smith & Wesson price list truck....................Ford & Chevrolet dealers in GA. by zip code house....................Nearest Mobil home repair service by zip code car .....................same as truck, just need two lists in Texas cuzzins..................family history usually a 3 meg file tax records..............usually an empty file shells...................ammunition inventory, another 3 meg file bud......................list of Budwiser dealers by zip code racin....................NASCAR racing schedule includes list of TV stations that carry the race car n' truck Parts.......nearest Junk yard by zip code doc .....................veterinarians by zip code     We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the Georgia edition. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

One day, a Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer, Chemical Engineer and Computer Engineer were driving down the street in the same car. All of a sudden, the car broke down. The Mechanical Engineer said, "I think a rod broke." The Chemical Engineer said, "The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas." The Electrical Engineer said, "I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system." All three turned to the computer engineer and said, "What do you think?" The Computer Engineer said, "I think we should all get out and get back in."