Jokes

During the spelling period the teacher asked the class: "Will anyone volunteer to spell matrimony?" Little Johnny, being sort of a precocious young boy, stood up and promptly spelled matrimony. "Now define it," said the teacher. Little Johnny replied, "Well, I don't exactly know what it means, but my Aunt Mary says she's had enough of it."

An English teacher asks Little Johnny: “Make an opposite of this sentence... ‘Kids in the dark usually make errors.’” Little Johnny: “Errors in the dark usually make kids."

The Sunday School teacher was asking why Little Johnny was late. "I was going fishing but my father would not let me," replied Little Johnny. "You are lucky to have a fine father like this. I am sure he explained to you why you should not go fishing on Sunday." "Yes Ma'ma. He said there just was not enough bait for both of us to go."

The arithmetic teacher proposed the following to the class, "If there are three crows on a fence and one is shot, how many would be left?" After a short time, Little Johnny shouts out, "Two left." The teachers response, "I'm afraid you don't get the point. Let me repeat the joke. There were three crows on a fence and one is shot, how many would be left? Johnny replied again, "Two left." Teacher, "No, none would be left, because when one is shot, the other two would fly away." Johnny, "That's what I said, TWO LEFT!!!"

Little Johnny's teacher was preparing the students for the upcoming Spelling Bee when she asked Johnny to "Spell Straight." Little Johnny: "S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T." Teacher: "Correct; what does it mean?" Little Johnny: "Without ginger ale."

"Johnny, why are you late?" asked the teacher angrily. "Sorry teacher, it was late when I left home." "Then why didn't you start earlier?" "Sorry, at that point it was too late to start earlier."

Teacher: "What ancient ruler was it who played the fiddle while Rome was burning?" Johnny: "Hector, ma'am." Teacher: "No, not Hector. Hector was no ruler, he was a Trojan prince. Try again." Johnny: "Then it was Duke!" Teacher: "Duke? What do you mean Johnny?" Johnny: "Well then, it must have been Nero... I knew it was someone with a dogs name."

Teacher: “Little Johnny, please spell the word 'pole'.” Little Johnny: “P-O-L.” Teacher: “But what is at the end of it?” Little Johnny: “Electrical Wires, but I can’t spell that yet.”

While on a field trip to a local petting zoo Little Johnny breathlessly rushed up to his teacher and shouted out, "Teacher, teacher, I just saw a man making a horse!" "Oh, Johnny, are you sure?" asked the teacher. "Of course," said Johnny, "they were tacking on his feet as I walked by!"

The teacher asked Little Johnny if he knew his numbers. “Yes,” he said. “My dad taught me.” “Good. So what comes after eight?” “Nine,” answered Little Johnny. “And what comes after nine?” “Ten.” “And what comes after ten?” “The Jack.”

The teacher noticed that Little Johnny had arrived at school wearing only one glove. “Why have you only got one glove?” she asked. “Well, Miss,” explained Little Johnny, “I was watching the weather forecast on TV last night, and it said it was going to be quite sunny but on the other hand it could get quite cold.”

The schoolteacher asked her class of young children to name one thing that was needed at their home. “Jim?” “A Nintendo Wii!” “Very good, Jim. How about you, Ann?” "A Super Barbie doll’s house,” said Ann. “That sounds nice, Ann. Little Johnny?” Little Johnny remained silent. “Surely there must be something you can think of, Little Johnny?” “No, nothing.” “Really, Little Johnny? You do surprise me.” “I know it’s true for a fact,” insisted Little Johnny. “Because last week my dad came home drunk, was sick all over the carpet, and my mom said it was the last thing we needed.”

Teacher: “I hope I didn’t see you looking at Timmy’s test paper?” Little Johnny: ”I hope you didn't see me either!”

Little Johnny, on recess, was carrying a car door while playing outside with his buddies on a very hot day. His teacher called him over to ask, "Why?" Little Johnny replied, "If I get too hot, I can roll down the car window!"

Little Johnny walked into his classroom with a fried egg on his head. The teacher asked, "Why do you have a fried egg on your head?" Little Johnny responded, "Because a hard boiled egg rolls off."

The teacher in Little Johnnys class approached him and directed he go to the principal's office. When he got there, the principle said to him, "Little Johnny, I've had complaints about you from all your teachers. What have you been doing?" Little Johnny replied, "Nothing, Sir!" The principal replied, "EXACTLY!"

Little Johnny turns up late for school one day and his teacher asks why. Little Johnny responds, "It's snowing heavily outside, so every time I took one step forward, I slipped two steps back." "Well, how did you make it to school then?" Little Johnny sighs, "I got fed up, so I turned to go home."

Teacher: How many seconds are there in a year? Little Johnny: Twelve. Teacher: Twelve? Are you sure? Little Johnny: Yes. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2....

Teacher: "Where did Abraham Lincoln live?" Little Johnny: "At the Gettysburg Address."

Teacher: "Who can tell me what the 25th letter of the alphabet?" Kid: "Y." Little Johnny: "I don’t know, maybe she’s not letting us know for some reason?"

Teacher: "Here is an example of a tongue twister — Sally sells sixty six shells by the sandy seashore... Now try saying that five times in a row fast!" Little Johnny: "That five times in a row fast!"

Teacher: Railroad crossing at the track. How many R's in that? Little Johnny: There are no R's in 'that'.

Teacher: Johnny what time is bedtime at your house? Johnny: 8:30 PM, ma’am. A few moments later Johnny’s Best Friend: So what time did you go to sleep last night? Johnny: 1:00 AM, after watching two movies and getting a snack.

Teacher: "One day our country will be corruption free. What tense is that?" Little Johnny: "Future impossible tense!"

Teacher: "Name the nation that people dislike the most?" Little Johnny: "That's easy, it's the 'Exami-nation'!"

Teacher: "Can anyone tell me where the toothbrush was invented?" Little Johnny: "In Kentucky. If it was invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush."

Teacher: "Who could give me three examples of possessive pronouns?" Little Johnny: "Um... iPad, yourPad and theirPod?"

"Johnny, where's your homework?" Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy, while holding out her hand. "My dog ate it," was his solemn response. "Johnny, I have been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?" "It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny. "I had to force him, but he ate it!"

Teacher: Which hand do you eat spaghetti with Little Johnny? Little Johnny: I don't use my hands, I use a fork.

Teacher: What's the capital of France? Little Johnny: That would be the 'F'!