Jokes

A 5 year old black boy walks up to a 5 year old white boy and says, "My daddy's goy a car. When he honks the horn it goes 'honkey honkey'". Little white boy says, "shit, my daddys got a chain saw when he starts it up it goes 'run nigga nigga run'".

Teacher: Handful of nuts can help your heart! Teacher: I love nuts Class: Ewwww Teacher: No I MEANT THE ONE YOU EAT! Nick: Ohhhh, SO you mean my dads? Teacher: ...........

Boy: My dads name is chuckling and my moms name is laughing. Teacher: Your kidding. Boy: No that's my brother, I'm joking.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No.". Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy there?" "Yes," came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No." Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child. "Yes," whispered the child, "A policeman." Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employees home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he is busy," whispered the child. "Busy doing what?" asked the boss. "Talking to daddy and mommy and the fireman," came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?" asked the boss, now startled. In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The searching team just landed the hello-copper!" Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there?" Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They are looking for me."

Daddy, why doesn’t this magnet pick up this floppy disk?

What did the little black boy say when he had diarrhea? Help me daddy I'm melting!

A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”

Theres three guys. A mexican, a black guy, and a white guy. The devil approaches these three gentlemen and presents each of them with a huge bowl of chilie. He says, "if you can eat all this chilie, and make it up the stairway to heaven i will let you go. if not then im gunna cut your pecker off." so the white guy ate his chilie and made it halfway up the stairs before farting. so the devil brings him down. "wheres your daddy work?" the white guy responds, "lumberjack." so the devil chainsaws the white guys pecker off. the black guy eats his chili and makes it a quarter of the way up before farting. "wheres your daddy work?" he responds "butcher." so the devil meat cleavers his pecker off. The mexican farts while he eats the chilie. The devil stops him and says,"where does your daddy work?" the mexican smiles and says, "my daddy works at the lollipop factory. so start suckin b*tch!"

Went to a German market last week. My Jewish granddad would have been so proud to see me enjoying the hard work of hundreds of Germans locked in tiny wooden sheds.

There is a little black boy with his mum in a bakery. The little boy pours a packet of white flour on himself, Turns to his mother and says "Mummy, Mummy, look I'm a white boy" The mother smacks the child across the face and says to him "Go say that to you father see what he thinks" So the two of them go to the boys father and the child says "Daddy, Daddy look I'm a white boy" The father smacks him across the face and says "You rude little boy, what do you have you have to say for yourself?" So the little boy says "I've only been a white boy for 1 minute and I already hate you black people!!!"

Granddad finally came out of a coma last night. He’s now dead.

I lost my grandad last year. He’s not dead he’s just wondering round ikea.

A new priest does his first mass. He is very nervous and he stammers his way through. Afterwards, he approaches the Monsignor to ask how he thought it went. "Well," says the monsignor, "Try a little wine before you do your next mass." So the next time the priest delivers a real fire and brimstone sermon, after which he asks the monsignor, "How did I do this time?" The fellow clergyman replies, "You did well, son, but I need to clear up a few of your misconceptions. First off, it was the Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit, not 'Big Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.' Next, David slew Goliath; he didn't 'whip the shit out of him.' And last of all we are planning a taffy pulling contest here at St. Peter, not a 'Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy.'

A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom that he needs Viagra. The mom asks, "Why on Earth do you need that?!" The little boy says, "Isn't that what you give daddy when his sh*t doesn't get hard?"

Seven year old Lebron was in English class, when his teacher asked him to use dictate in a sentence. So he says, "Lass night I heard Daddy askin' Momma, 'how do my dictate?'"

I walked into a bedroom and caught my Nan sucking Grandad’s cock, I said “Nan that’s disgusting”. She said it’s perfectly normal. I said, “No, its wrong, you should have buried it with the rest of him”

I saw a four-year-old girl sat on her own today. No signs of anyone near. “Are you okay?” I asked her. “Do you know where your Mummy or Daddy are?” “No,” she sobbed. We know how to have a laugh at the orphanage.

Q: How many UNC fans does it take to change a tire? A: Four: three to tap the keg and one to call daddy.

My young daughter asked me this morning, “Daddy, what were you and Mummy doing in the bedroom last night? I could hear a buzzing noise, then Mummy started to scream.” “Nothing, darling,” I replied. It was then I burst out laughing as my wife walked down the stairs with her half-shaved head.

My Grandad invented the roller coaster. But the cups just slide off the coffee table.

I have something really difficult to say…. Ken Dodd’s dads dogs dead!

I was speaking to a lad at work called krowski. I asked, “So are you Polish?” He said, “No, my great grandad was.” I said, “Oh, so you’re just a tad pole?”

Yo momma’s so ugly, yo daddy takes her to work just so he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo mamma so ugly when she was born your grandmamma said, "What a treasure," and your granddaddy said, "Yeah, let's go bury it."

Yo momma so nasty she sucked your daddy's dick and kissed you goodnight

I could have been your daddy, but the line was too long.

Every one knows about yo momma jokes but were the hell are the yo daddy jokes yo daddys so gay he makes justin look strait.

Yo momma so nasty, she sucked your daddy's dick then came in here to kiss you goodnight.

Yo mamma so nasty, that she sucks your daddys dick and comes to kiss you goodnight.