Jokes

Teacher: “You missed school yesterday, didn’t you?” Boy: “Not a bit!”

What did the music teacher need a ladder for? To reach the top notes.

Johnny: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn’t do? Teacher: Of course not. Johnny: Good, because I didn’t do my homework.

Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be? Fred: None! Fred (surprised): Why not? Fred: Because you can't lay eggs!

My chemistry teacher always told me “if you’re not part of the solution, then you’re part of the precipitate”

A teacher asks her students if they're Yankees fans. All of the hands go up except for one student. "Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?" "The Red Sox." "Why's that?" "Well, my parents are both Red Sox fans, so I'm a Red Sox fan too." "That's not a good answer, Bobby. If your parents were both morons, would you be a moron too?" "No, that would make me a Yankees fan!"

I remember my teacher telling me that looking out of the window wouldn’t get me anywhere. Did I have a smug look on my face later on in life when I handed him his burger and fries at the drive through.

A teacher sees a lad entering the classroom - his hands were dirty. She stopped him and said, “John, please wash your hands. My goodness, what would you say if I came into the room with hands like that?” Smiling the boy replied, “I think I’d be too polite to mention it.”

Teacher: Dudley, can you tell me what the four seasons are? Dudley: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

Q: What's the difference between a book and a teacher? A: You can shut a book up but you can't shut a teacher up.

A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked. “What’s the problem Carol? I hope it’s not homework again.” “Well, uh, yes, it is,” replied Carol “I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane.” “Carol, you’re right, that wasn’t a very bright thing to do,” said the teacher, “but his once I’ll let your just unfold the paper and hand it in.” “Oh, but that won’t work,” said Carol, looking even sadder. “You see, the plane was hijacked

Q: Why did the music teacher get arrested? A: He fingered A minor.

My physics teacher told me that I have potential. Then he threw me off the roof.

Teacher : What’s your favourite letter ? Student: The letter G. Teacher : Why is that Angus ?

Ninety two percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils.

Q: What is the difference between a teacher and a train? A: The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"

Teacher: “Simon, can you say your name backwards?” Simon: “No Mis”

I’d just like to thank my English teacher for defining the word ‘Many’ for me. It means a lot.

What did the Vampire say to the Teacher? See you next period.

I wanted to ask my English teacher to marry me when she got out of jail… … But apparently, you can’t end a sentence with a proposition…

My physics teacher asked me if I understood the chapter on linear motion. I said, “yeah it’s pretty straightforward.”