Jokes

A police officer asks a thief, "Why did you steal this stranger's watch?" The thief replies, "I didn't steal it -- he gave it to me!" The policeman asks, "When did he give it to you?" The thief tells him, "When I showed him the gun."

Three people get arrested and are taken into holding for questioning. The officer talks to the first girl, asking, "What's your name?" She says, "Yo." The officer asks, "What are you in for?" She responds with, "Blowing bubbles." The officer takes her picture and lets her go. He asks the second girl, "What's your name?" She responds with, "Yo Yo." The officer asks, "What are you in for?" She responds with, "Blowing bubbles." The officer takes her picture and lets her go. He talks to the guy and says, "Let me guess, your name is Yo Yo Yo." The guy replies with, "No, it's Bubbles."

The following conversation took place in an Irish post office. Murphy: Paddy why are you talking to that envelope? Paddy: I’m trying to send a voicemail.

Be on the lookout! We recently received credible intelligence that there have been seven terrorists working in your office. Six of the seven have been apprehended. Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin, Bin Goofin, Bin Lunchin, Bin Drinkin and BinButt-Kissin have all been taken into custody. At this time, no one fitting the description of the seventh cell member, Bin Workin, has been found. We are confident that anyone who looks like he’s BinWorkin will be very easy to spot. You are OBVIOUSLY not a suspect at this time. So keep on doing what you Bin Doin!

TERM LIMITS Limit all politicians to TWO terms!! One term in office One term in prison

"What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket, Officer?" "Keep it, when you collect four of them, you get a bicycle.

What Not to Say to a Policeman: I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize I was driving. Wow, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me! I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? You look just like my girlfriend's deadbeat ex-husband. The question is do YOU know why you pulled me over? I was trying to keep up with traffic, and it's miles ahead of me. If you have to ask if I've been drinking, I'm not going to tell you, dude. It wasn't my fault -- when I reached down to roll this joint, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged under the brake pedal. That's a sweet 9mm. You want to hold my .44 magnum? If I'd known I was getting a full body cavity search, I would have waxed!

My boss and I had an exchange of views earlier. I went into his office with my views, and came out with his.

I went for an interview at IKEA today and when I walked into the bosses office he said, “Please have a seat.” It took me nearly 6 hours, but I finally managed to put the seat together and sit down for the interview.