Jokes

Tyrone' s 1st day in the first grade he comes home crying. When his mother ask why he replays. "The teacher told us to say our abc' s and all the little white boys could say them and I could only get to e why is that." Mom says "cause u black and they white." Next day Tyrone is crying again . "What's wrong today Tyrone" his mother ask. Tyrone said "teacher told us to count to 100 and all the little white boys did but I could only get to 10 why is that." Mom says "cause u black and they white." Next day he comes home smiling. "What happened today Tyrone?" Tyrone says mama "we went to the bathroom and my thing was biggest of all . Is that cause I'm black and they white." Mama says "no Tyrone it's cause u 17 and they 6."

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room. The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?" One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie." "You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was." The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.

Mother: Come on Pete you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for the college. Peter: O mum do I have to, all the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me too. Mother: Yes you do. Peter: Give me a good reason Mother: You're 52 and you are the Principal!

Teacher: Handful of nuts can help your heart! Teacher: I love nuts Class: Ewwww Teacher: No I MEANT THE ONE YOU EAT! Nick: Ohhhh, SO you mean my dads? Teacher: ...........

Student:Can i go toilet. Teacher:If you have done your work,corrections,tidied your desk,cleaned out you.. Student: Hurry the f*ck up my b*tch is waiting!!!!!

The third-grade teacher was teaching English and repeated for her class: “Mary had a little lamb, whose fleece was white as snow, And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go.” She explained this was an example of poetry, but could be changed to prose by changing the last line from “the lamb was sure to go” to “the lamb went with her.” A few days later, she asked for an example of poetry or prose. Johnny raised his hand and said, “Mary had a little pig, A hornery little runt, He stuck his nose in Mary’s Clothes And smelled her little . . .” He stopped, turned to the teacher, and asked, “Do you want poetry or prose?” “Prose!” the teacher said weakly. So Johnny said, ” . . . Asshole.”

Anyway, he’s just been expelled for grabbing his teacher by the pussy.

My ceramics teacher was excellent. … I don’t know why, but she was fired yesterday.

What did the German teacher say to the Jewish student? Concentrate

Me: Hey Miss have you seen the clown that hides from gay people in Target? Teacher:No I haven't Me: Haha LOL Teacher: Huh....... oh right that's funny detention at lunch. Me: It was so worth it.

There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

Boy: My dads name is chuckling and my moms name is laughing. Teacher: Your kidding. Boy: No that's my brother, I'm joking.

Teacher: I can speak every language except Greek, ask me something is any other language. Student: (Speaks Spanish) Teacher: Hmmm sounds Greek to me

School Teacher: Last night a bunch of thieves broke into a cupboard and stole a bunch of blunt pencils. The theft was described as pointless.

teacher:for todays lesson... boy:bla bla bla... me:shoosh!! teacher:thank you! so now we can continue with... me:SHOOSH!!!!!

One day Adam's teacher told the class that everyone must find out a moral for the next day's class. One boy came in and said, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." The second boy said, "Don't judge a book by it's cover." Then Adam came in with a broken jaw and black eyes and said, "I asked my Uncle Johnny for a moral and he told me to shut up. I told him he had to help me because it was homework." The teacher said, "What is the moral, Johnny?" "DON''T MESS WITH UNCLE JOHNNY WHEN HE'S DRINKING!!!''

Teacher: "In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia?" Pupil: "Holding up the telegraph lines!"

What does the informatics teacher scream when he’s drowning? - F1, F1, F1...

Tyrone's first day in the first grade he came home crying. When his mother asked why, he replied, "The teacher told us to say our ABC's and all the little white boys could say them and I could only get to the letter E. Why is that? His mom said, "Because you black and they white." The next day Tyrone was crying again. "What's wrong today, Tyrone?" his mother asked. Tyrone said, "Teacher told us to count to 100 and all the little white boys did but I could only get up to 10. Why is that?" The mom answered, "Because you black and they white." The third day he came home smiling. "What happened today, Tyrone?" asked his mom. "We went to the bathroom and my thing was biggest of all, because I'm black and they white, right mama?" She said, "No, Tyrone, it's because you 17 and they 6."

Registry on the first day back at school in Birmingham , ENGLAND . The teacher begins calling out the names of the pupils:- “Mustafa Al Eih Zeri?” “Here” “Achmed El Kabul?” “Here” “Fatima Al Hayek? ” “Here” “Ali Abdul Olmi?” “Here” “Mohammed Bin Kadir?” “Here” “Ali Son Al   En” - silence in the classroom. “Ali Son Al  En” - continued silence as everyone looked around the room. The teacher repeats the call: “Ali Son Al  En…” A girl stands up and says timidly: “Sorry, teacher. I think that might be me. But it’s pronounced Alison Allen…”

Teacher: Sing me an alphabet song Black guy: K F C........ that's it

First-grade class in Brooklyn comes in from recess. Teacher asks Sarah: “What did you do at recess?” Sarah says, “I played in the sand box.” Teacher says, “That’s good. Go to the blâckboard, and if you can write ‘sand’ correctly, I’ll give you a fresh-baked cookie.” She does and gets a cookie. Teacher asks Morris what he did at recess. Morris says, “I played with Sarah in the sand box.” Teacher says, “Good. If you write ‘box’ correctly on the blâckboard, I’ll give you a fresh baked cookie.” Morris does, and gets a cookie. Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at recess. He says, “I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me.” Teacher says, “Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go the blâckboard and write ‘blatant racial discrimination’ I’ll give you a cookie.

How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do an essay.

A sixth grade class is doing some spelling drills. The teacher asks Tommy if he can spell ‘before.’ He stands up and says, “Before, B-E-P-H-O-R.” The teacher says, “No, that’s wrong. Can anyone else spell before?” Another little boy stands up and says, “Before, B-E-F-O-O-R.” Again the teacher says, “No, that’s wrong.” The teacher says, “Leroy, can you spell ‘before’?” Leroy stands up and says, “Before, B-E-F-O-R-E.” “Excellent Leroy, now can you use it in a sentence?” Leroy says, “Dat’s easy. Two plus two be fore.”

A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

My daughter’s school teacher rang me today. “Young Sarah didn’t turn up for school today?” he said. “I know, her mother died yesterday,” I replied. “So she won’t be back for a while.” “Sorry to hear that,” he sighed. “How’s she getting on?” “Very well,” I replied. “She’s on her third lot of laundry and has already prepared dinner.”

My teacher said, “Are you chewing gum?” … I said, “Do I look like chewing gum to you?”

A teacher asked a girl to use the word”handsome”in a sentence. Girl :- “When I suck my boyfriend’s dick my jaws get really tired so I use my hand some times”.

Seven year old Lebron was in English class, when his teacher asked him to use dictate in a sentence. So he says, "Lass night I heard Daddy askin' Momma, 'how do my dictate?'"

Teacher: Will any idiot in the room stand up please? (a student stands up) Teacher: Why do you think you are an idiot? Student: actually I don't, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself.