Jokes

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I". MILLIE: I is... TEACHER: No, Millie... Always say, "I am." MILLIE: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

“What would you like to be when you grow up Tommy?” “I’d like to be a teacher, sir.” “Would you, indeed? And why would you like to be a teacher?” “Cause I wouldn’t have to do any more learning - I’d know everything by then!”

Teacher: What do you wanna be when you grow up? Little Girl: A unicorn Teacher: Why is that? Little Girl: So I can stab people with my head

Little Bobby's teacher asked everyone to draw something exciting. Isabel drew a puppy, Jeffrey drew a cake, and little Bobby drew a period. The teacher looked puzzled and asked Bobby, "How is this exciting?" Bobby said, "Well it may not be to you, but my sister is missing two, so there is a lot of excitement at my house."

The teacher said, “Take a pencil and paper, and write an essay with the title ‘If I Were a Millionaire.’” Everyone but Joe, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write feverishly. “What’s the matter,” the teacher asked. “Why don’t you begin?” “I’m waiting for my secretary,” Joe replied.

Teacher: "I hope I didn't see you looking at Tim's exam paper." Pupil: "I hope you didn't see me either!"

Why did the biology teacher split up with the physics teacher? Because their was no chemistry

A teacher asked three students what causes war. The first student said, "Knives." The second one said, "Guns." The third one drew a dot on the board. The teacher asked, "What's that?" The student replied, "A period." The teacher asked "How does a period cause war?" The student replied, "If my sister misses one, my mom will kill her."

Teachers are dumb af Student: Can I go to the toilet? Teacher: To do what? Student: To slaythe magic dragon, what the f*ckkk

teacher: stop intrupting while im talking Student: you stop talking while im interupting

I used to smoke pot before class. I walked in 10 minutes late with a bullshit excuse, slunk down at my desk and hoped that nobody asked me any questions. I was the best teacher EVER.

Grandpa: "Go hide, your teacher is here because you skipped school today!" Boy: "No you go hide. I told her you were dead!"

Teacher: Ok billy, what do you wanna be when you grow up? Student: I wanna be the president! Teacher: I don't thing you cann Billy: BITCH, YOU SAID I COULD BE ANYTHING I WANTED! (/ÒoÓ)/

Teacher: What’s the outside layer of a tree called, Tommy? Tommy: Don’t Know. Teacher: Bark, Tommy. Tommy: Woof, Woof.

“Your assignment was to produce a piece containing exactly 20,000 dots,” my Art teacher said, “but I only see one.” “They’re on top of each other.” I explained.

A boy walked into the classroom. The teacher looked at him. "Where were you?" The teacher asked. "On top of Blueberry Hill." The boy answered. Another boy came in a few minutes later. "Where were you?" The teacher asked. "On top of Blueberry Hill." The boy answered. A few minutes later, a girl came in. "Lemme guess, you were on top of Blueberry Hill too." The teacher said. "No, I am Blueberry Hill." The girl answered.

An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they'd do if they had a million dollars. Alec handed in a blank sheet of paper. 'Alec !' yelled the teacher, 'you've done nothing. Why?' 'Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do !'

A kindergarten teacher spent a few minutes each morning teaching a new word to her class. She would tell the class the word and its meaning, then ask them to come up with a few sentences that included the word for the day. One day, the teacher said that the word for the day was "frugal." She explained that frugal had to do with saving, and a frugal person is one who saves. She then asked the class to come up with a sentence for the word. The class seemed kind of stumped, and sat there in silence for a few seconds until one little girl raised her hand. Instead of just a sentence, she came up with a little story: "There once was a princess who was stuck in a tall tower. There was a spell on all of the doors, so she couldn’t get out. One day, she heard a young prince who was walking by and singing. The princess called out of the tower, 'Frugal me! Frugal me!' So, the prince frugaled her and they lived happily ever after."

Why did the mean teacher walk around with her purse open? She'd read there was going to be some change in the weather.

Q: Why was the guitar teacher arrested? A: For fingering a minor.

What is a teacher's favorite kind of music? Class-ical.

Music teacher tells Peter: "I warn you, if you will not behave, as appropriate, I tell your parents that you have a talent for music."

When I was a toddler, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French” just after a swear word. I’ll never forget the first day at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French.

TEACHER: Why are you late? SHAUN: Because of the sign. TEACHER: What sign? SHAUN: The one that says, “School Ahead, Go Slow.”

For those eight years Clinton was the president, it was like we had that really cool substitute teacher.

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class, was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal’s office; he was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did, and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your Mom," she screamed. "I did," he said, "and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she’d come and pick me up from school."

The following took place in a primary school. Teacher: Ok class put your hand up if you know anything about police officers??? *Students raise their their hands* Teacher: You only have to put one hand up Tyrone.

“Does your teacher like you?” “I think so. She keeps putting Kisses on my homework.”

Why did the teacher have to wear sunglasses? Because his pupils were so bright

Q.Why did the Teacher turn on the lights? A.The class was a bit dim!