Jokes

Teacher: Joey, how do you spell 'crocodile'? Joey: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L' Teacher: No, that's wrong. Joey: Maybe it is wrong, but you did ask me how I spelled it."

Wilfred had just learned his ABC's and was very scared of reciting them in front of his class. He stood in front of the class trembling and began, "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z." His teacher said, "Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot P. Where's the P?" He replied," It's running down my leg."

Peter went home from school and with full of excitement, looked for his mother. Peter: Mother, I almost made it as top 1 student of our class for this school year! Mother: Oh really, I'm so proud of you son! So, you must be the top 2 then? Peter: No mother, our teacher pointed to my seatmate, had she pointed me, I would have been the top 1 in our class! Almost mom! Almost!

Entering first grade, I was ask by the teacher if I had learned my ABCs and could I count to 100? I answered yes I had, now can I be a Pharmacist?

Glen, why do you always get so dirty? Asked the teacher. Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are. He replied

“Now, Joseph,” said the teacher to the aggressive youngster, “what do you think your classmates would think of you if you were always kind and polite?” “They’d think they could beat me up,” promptly responded Joseph.

A kindergarten teacher asked: “What is the shape of the earth?” After a pause a little girl spoke up: “According to my Daddy…terrible!”

“How did school go today? a mother asked her little boy. “Fine”, the little fellow replied. “We had a new teacher and she wanted to know if I had any brothers and I told her I was an only child”. What did she say?” his mother asked. “The teacher said, “Thank goodness”

In Sunday school little Kathy was drawing a Nativity picture…. There were Mary and Joseph, shepherds and wise men. “What’s that in the corner Kathy?” asked the teacher. “That’s their TV, of course,” replied Kathy.

A third-grade child was asked by his teacher to spell “straight.” The boy did so without error. “Now,” said the teacher, “what does it mean?” “Without water” was his reply.

A first grade teacher was looking at her students as they were trying out their desk computers. One boy was staring at the screen, looking dumbstruck and confused. The teacher came and read what was on the screen and in her most reassuring voice said, “The computer wants to know what your name is." The boy then leaned over and whispered, “My name is David."

At a Catholic school, there was a "meet the teacher" open house for the 2nd graders. After the meeting, a Nun announced that there would be a small reception afterwards in the cafeteria. All the children and parents filed in, and saw on a table a plate of apples, a plate of cookies, and some water bottles and juice. As the children went through the line, one boy saw that there was a sign on the plate of apples that said, "Take only one. God is watching." So, the boy took an apple and moved on to the cookies. He helped himself, and then took a small piece of paper, and wrote: "Take all you want”. God is watching the apples."

At a Sunday school class the teacher asked a child; do you pray to God before lunch or dinner? The child said, “No ma'am, my moms a good cook!”

Q. Why did the kid eat his homework? A. His teacher said it was a piece of cake.

Teacher: What does your father do for a living? Student: He is a magician. Teacher: what is his favorite event. Student: He cuts people in two. Teacher: How many brothers and sisters do you have? Student: One half-brother and one half-sister....

A Sunday school teacher asked the children in her class, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would I get into Heaven?" "No!" the children all answered. "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into Heaven?" Again the answer was "No!" "Well", she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?" A five-year-old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead!"

For weeks a five-year-old child kept telling his kindergarten teacher about the baby sister or brother that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the child to feel the movements of the unborn baby. The five-year-old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Moreover, he stopped telling the teacher about the awaiting event. Finally the teacher sat the child on her lap and said, “Lucas, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home? “Lucas burst into tears and confessed, “I think Mommy ate it!”

Billy walks into class late. His teacher says, “Billy, do not walk into class late again." The next day Billy crawls into class late once again. His teacher says, “Billy, I thought I told you not to come into class late?" Billy responds, "No, you told me I couldn't walk into class late."

A little boy came home with his parents from church one Sunday. He seemed a little depressed, so his mother asked him if something happened in Sunday school class that he would like to talk about. He told his mother "Well, we were singing songs and the teacher made us sing about a poor bear named Gladly that needed glasses and I can't stop thinking about him. She said he was cross-eyed and I feel bad for him. The mother couldn't understand why the teacher would teach such a song in Sunday school, so she decided to call her. To the woman’s amazement, the teacher said she only taught hymns that morning. Then the teacher began laughing out loud and said to the mother, “I know what Jeffrey’s' talking about! We learned the hymn 'Gladly The Cross I'd Bear'".

A father came home from work one night to find his little boy sitting on the cat, with a pen and paper in his hand. “Why are you sitting on Felix?” he asked. “Well, teacher told us to write an essay on the family pet.”

A teacher said to her student, "Billy, if both of your parents were born in 1967, how old are they now?" After a few moments, Billy answered, "It depends." "It depends on what?" she asked. "It depends on whether you ask my father or my mother."

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead. “How do you know that the cat was dead?” the teacher asked. “Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently. “You did WHAT?!?” the teacher exclaimed in surprise. “You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘Pssst!’ and it didn’t move.”

Teacher: "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?" Pupil: "The moon." Teacher: "Why?" Pupil: "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it."

My son's kindergarten class was asked to draw self-portraits for a class project. My son of course followed the instructions but as he proudly passed in his "Monet” the teacher was astonished - He had drawn himself Naked... The Teacher called him to her desk and asked "Jordan, What is this?" He replied, "If you don't know what it is then I'm not going to tell you."

Explaining the population explosion of the world a teacher was elaborating "Suppose all world population are walking and jumping off the globe. The line will still be endless" A student appeared confused and the teacher clarified " You see as and when a person jumps off another will be born and the line will continue for ever" Still the young student wore the bewildered look "What is the doubt" the teacher asked. You said, "You said, they were all walking, teacher"

Q. What do you call a person who goes on talking when nobody listens? A. A teacher!

On the way to lunch, a teacher spotted two boys playfully fighting. She asked one of the boys to go to the back of the line and he came back right after. ”Why aren't you at the end of the line?" asked the teacher. The boy replied, "I couldn't, someone was already there."

A third grader that got into trouble from time to time was in the principal’s office for a quiet talking to. “And Peter,” asked the principal, “how do yu like your teacher? Do you get along all right?’ “Oh, yes sir,” replied Peter. “ I think she’s the cream of the coop.”

For weeks, a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the Mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but he made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?" Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, "There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or “That’s Michael, he's a doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."