Jokes

how do you know when a black person's been on your computer.when it's gone

How can you tell a black guy has been on your computer? It's not there.

How can yo tell if a black has been on you're computer? It's not there...

Q: What do you do when your computer gets wet? A: Put it in a bowl of rice, an Asian will show up and they will fix it.

I was on my computer earlier when the screen suddenly went black. I suppose I should elaborate. When I say “went black” I mean it stopped working. It didn’t go and stab an old lady and nick her purse.

Q. How do you know if a Asian robbed your house A. Your HW is done , computer is upgraded, 2 hrs later lil f***er still tryin back off the driveway

Q: How do you tell a black guy used your computer? A: It's gone.

I bought a black computer because I thought it would run faster.

The following text messages were exchanged on a cold winters day in December. Wife: “Windows frozen.” Husband: “Pour some warm water over them.” Wife: “Computer completely screwed up now.”

Three reasons why my wife is like a computer. 1. She’s good at remembering credit card details. 2. She knows everything about every subject. 3. She always complains about having a virus whenever you try and do anything dirty with her.

Jesus and Satan are having a competition on who can finish an essay first. 1, 2, 3, GO. Jesus starts and takes his time while Satan is typing up a storm. Satan is typing so fast that the power goes out and both computers are shut off. They start back up, and Jesus states that he is done with the essay. Riddled, Satan asks how he wrote that fast. Jesus turns to him and simply says, "Jesus saves."

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

It’s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?” The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.” The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

An expert has predicted computers will eventually replace paper altogether. He has obviously never tried to wipe his arse with a laptop!

Bill Gates wanted to look good and impress everyone with his success. He decided to measure the accomplishments of Microsoft against General Motors. The comparison went like this: If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades, you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. Or you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50. In response to all this goading, GM responds: “Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes twice a day?  

I decided to make my password "incorrect" because if I type it in wrong, my computer will remind me, "Your password is incorrect."

Your momma is so stupid she put airbags on her computer in case it crashed.

Q: What do computers eat for a snack? A: Microchips!

I’ve just got a make-shift job at the computer keyboard factory.

Ahhh, that little symbol “*” that we use in some forms of computer searches and always in the ads for new credit cards and new bank accounts. The “*” guides us to the fine print, the disclaimers and the warnings buried in the mouse-sized fine print. … … If we read the stuff hidden by the “*,” we would understand why our new, widely advertised $90 cable service costs us $175 every month, or the checking account service fee is $19 per month, every month, or why we qualified for the toaster but not the deluxe outdoor grill. … … Some 50 or 60 years ago, somebody coined the term “Nathan Hale” for an “*” by relating it to a pun made from a famous quotation: … … “I regret that I have only one asterisk for my country!” … … So - mostly in computer geekland - you will occasionally hear an asterisk referred to as a “Nathan Hale” or “Nathan.” Don’t you feel like you are bursting with knowledge now?

My computer crashed and now all the other computers have slowed down so they can see what’s happening.

The oldest computer can be traced to Adam and Eve. Yes, it was an Apple. But with an extremely limited memory. Just one byte. Then everything crashed.

The inventor of the computer mouse has died. They should have right clicked and saved him.

Yo mama so dumb she runs to the mailbox whenever her computer beeps: "you have a new mail".

Yo mama is so stupid she has to set the password for her computer as ‘incorrect’ so when she types it in wrong the computer can tell her what to type.

Yo mama so black when I clicked on her profile picture I thought my computer died.