Short Jokes

A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, 'Buk Buk BUK.' The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them. The chickens leave shortly thereafter. Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,' Buk Buk BuKKOOK!' The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before. The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, 'Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!' The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them. She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit, Rrredit, Rrredit..."

Michael and Timothy had just left the Pub and decided to take a shortcut through O'Leary's farm when they chanced upon O'Leary's prized stallion. Promptly, Timothy raised it's tail, took a quick swipe then applied it to his lips. Michael, dumbfounded, asked: "Is horse manure good for chapped lips?" Timothy replied: "I don't know, but it sure keeps me from lickin' em!"

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three toed feet?" The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand". "OK" said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?" "They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert", the camel mother answers. "Thanks Mom" replies the son. After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back??" The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, "They are there to help us store water for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without drinking for long periods." "That's great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but... Mom?" "Yes son?" "Why the heck are we in the San Diego zoo?"

Where do you get dragon milk? From cows with short legs!

A man stands at the bar boasting that he has a dog that is the greatest fighter of all and will beat any dog in a fight and to prove this offers a prize of a $1,000 if his dog can be beaten. An old man sitting near by says my Terrier will beat your dog no problem! So the man immediately sets up a fight between the two dogs. In the ring the two dogs are thrown in and the man's dog growls and starts to bite the other dog with its massive teeth for the terrier to flick itself around and snap the neck of the dog and then devour it whole! True to his word the man counts out the grand and hands it over saying “just what type of Terrier is that?” The old man puts the money in his pocket and replies “a long tailed short haired snub nose Terrier or Alligator for short.”

Two bumpkin chicks in the hen house are discussing about the bad feed they eat. This shorter one is just listening, not answering to the talkative one. All of a sudden he stops and says: I have decided to go to College on a night course. Why is that, why such an urgent matter? My relatives, all of my folks, and my friends are been humiliated, they are all fed up with this lousy feed, but worse of all, to be called bumpkin and hick all the time, you silly. I will become an attorney and won’t be humiliated anymore.

A man goes into a pet shop, wanting to buy a bird. He sees a beautiful bird, the loveliest he's ever seen, and asks how much it is. The shop owner replies 'that bird is $1000'. 'What?!?' cries the man, '$1000 for a bird? What does it do?’ 'Well, I'm glad you asked.' says the shop owner, 'you see, that bird can sing every female role in the ring cycle from memory.' The man thinks, ok but I can't afford the bird. He sees a shorter, but still beautiful, bird and asks how much that one is. 'That bird is $2000' replies the shop owner, and the man asks what this bird can do. 'Well, he can play any Paganini concerto you request on the violin from memory' the man thinks wow, but I really can't afford that bird. He then sees an ancient, hunched, half-dead, ugly, bald bird croaking in the corner of the cage, and, thinking that this bird couldn't cost very much, enquires. 'Oh, that bird is $20000' he is told by the owner. Flabbergasted, the man asks what this bird does. 'Oh, we haven't found out yet' the owner replies, 'but the other two call him 'Maestro''

Two little skunks called In and Out were playing in the woods. Out went home, and his mother said, “Where’s In? Go and get him, there’s a good boy.” So Out went back into the woods and returned very shortly with his bother. “That’s a good boy,” said Mother Skunk, “how did you find him so quickly?” “Easy,” said the little skunk, “In stunk…”

A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet's diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around with its nose and sniffs it a couple of times before shaking his head. "There" says the vet,” Your hamster is dead". Still not happy the man asks for a third opinion. The vet opens the back door and in bounds a cat. The cat jumps onto the table and looks the hamster up and down for a few minutes before looking up and shaking it's head. "It's definitely dead sir", says the vet. Convinced, the man enquires how much he owes. "That will be £1000, please". "A £1000 just to tell me my hamster is dead" fumes the man. "Well", says the vet, "There's my diagnosis, the lab report and the cat scan".

In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!" The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused. Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you God, for the food I'm about to receive..."

Two little skunks called In and Out were playing in the woods. Out went home, and his mother said, "Where's In?, go and get him, there's a good boy." So Out went back into the woods and returned shortly with his brother. "That's a good boy," said Mother skunk, "How did you find him so quickly?" "Easy," said the little skunk, "In stinked ...."

A man left the bar late one night after one too many drinks. He decided to walk home taking a shortcut through the grave yard. He fell into an open grave but failed to escape after many attempts. What the man didn’t see was another guy from the bar who had previously fallen in and was curled up asleep at the other end of the grave. The guy woke up and said, “You’ll never make it out of here.” Low and behold he made it out in one leap!