desert-island Jokes

Knock Knock! Who is there? Two interrupting bovines! Two interrup--MOO!!

Knock, Knock! Who's there? Honey bee. Honey bee who? Honey bee a dear and get me a soda.

Knock! Knock! Who's there? Mesut. How may I assist you? Hahaha, Yeah right.

Knock, Knock! Who's there? Amos. Amos who? Amosquito just bit me!

Knock Knock. Who's there? Existentially. Existentially, who? I know what you mean.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

Knock, knock! Who is there? Paul! Paul who! Paul light, and gentle, I knock, knock! Open up and snuggle! I Never break in!

Knock-Knock Who's there? Lettuce Lettuce Who? Let us make this paper.

Knock-knock Who's there? Who, Who I didn't know you have an owl

Knock, Knock Who's there? Ketchup. Ketchup who? Ketchup to me if you can, I have your wallet.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Isabelle Isabelle who? Isabelle necessary on a bicycle?

Knock, knock Who’s there? Lettuce! Lettuce who? Lettuce in, its cold out here!

Knock Knock Who's there? Alex Alex who? Alexplain later now let me in.

Knock Knock Whose there? Dwayne Dwayne who? Dwayne the bathtub, I’m dwownig!

Knock, Knock Who's There? Jose Jose who? Jose can you see...

Knock-Knock Who's there? Dwayne. Dwayne who? Dwayne the tub I'm dwowning!

Knock-Knock Who's there? Alex Alex who? Alex plain later!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Luck. Luck who? Luck through the keyhole and you'll find out

Knock-knock. Who's there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes the police! Come out with your hands up!

knock knock who's there oddley hee oddley hee who I didn't know you could yodel!

A lawyer's dog is having a great time running around the neighborhood unleashed — it heads directly to the butcher shop and pilfers a roast.  The butcher heads over to the lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?" The lawyer replies, "Absolutely," and the butcher informs him that he owes him $18.50 because his unleashed dog just stole a roast from his shop. Speechless, the lawyer, goes on to write the butcher a check for the damages.  A few days later, the butcher checks his mailbox and discovers an envelope from the lawyer. Inside the envelope is an invoice that read: "$75 due for a consultation."

Two friends met on the street after not having seen each other for some time, One of them was on crutches. "Hello!" said the other man. "Why are you on crutches?" "Car accident," said the man on crutches. "When did that happen?" "Oh, about six weeks ago." "And you still have to be on crutches?" "Well, my doctor says I could get along without them. My lawyer says I can't."

Two lawyers were walking along, negotiating a case. "Look," said one to the other, "let's be honest with each other." "Okay, you first," replied the other. That was the end of the discussion.

So many law jokes... So many law jokes that I don't even understand the sentences...

The trial went on for 4 weeks with testimony by both sides. Finally, the jury retired to determine the verdict. After 2 days the jury had reached a decision to acquit the prisoner. Judge: "What possible reason could you have for acquitting the prisoner?" Foreman: "Insanity, sir." Judge: "What, all twelve of you?"

"Yes," said the lawyer to his client. "You have got the best case I have ever heard." "Thanks," said the client, grabbing up his coat and heading out the door. "Where are you going?" ask the astonished lawyer. "I'm going to settle this case out of court," said the leaving client. "But I told you it is the best case I have ever heard?" "Maybe," began the client, "but not for me, I told you the other fellow's case."

A man was arraigned for assault and battery and brought before the judge. Judge: What is your name, occupation, and what are you charged with? Prisoner: My name is Sparky, I am an electrician and I'm charged with battery. Judge (after recovering his equilibrium): Officer, put this guy in a dry cell.

The client thumped his crutch on the ground as he confronted his lawyer. "Heavens, man, your bill is outrageous! You are taking three-fifths of my settlement. I never heard of such extortion." "I furnished the skill, the eloquence and the necessary legal learning for your case," said the lawyer coolly. "Yes," said the client, "but I furnished the case itself." "Bosh," sneered the lawyer. "Anyone could fall down a deep hole."

The judge wanted to make sure the witness understood the solemnity of the occasion. "Do you know what the word 'oath' means?" asks the judge. "Sure do," says the witness. "Oath means if I swear to a lie, I gotta stick with it."

A long winded attorney was arguing a technical case before one of the judges of the superior courts. The attorney had rambled on in such a desultory way that it became very difficult to follow his line of thought, and the judge had just yawned very suggestively. With a trace of sarcasm in his voice, the tiresome attorney ventured to observe: "I sincerely trust that I am not unduly trespassing on the time of this court." "My friend," returned his honor, "there is considerable difference between trespassing on time and encroaching upon eternity."